At first, having to deal with all the diabetes related things seems so overwhelming. I thought it took so much time out of my day and made me nervous thinking about a future with diabetes. How was I going to deal with all this when I got old, and most importantly, how well would I be aging with it? When I was little I was always convinced that I would grow to be 100 years…now that prospect did not seem so realistic anymore, or even desirable.
For someone who is never sick (have always been super healthy, even as a kid) it is maybe even harder to accept a disease, although I really know it’s tough for everyone. I did close up in my shell while I struggled through my fears and my new life. One night my husband was out and I was home with my doggies. We were living temporarily in a condo while getting ready to move out of state. I still remembered that I served myself some lentils that I made earlier and I injected the insulin I thought I needed. Not long after I started feeling really confused, so I measured my blood glucose and it was 44. I had never seen, up to that point, a number much lower than 70, so I started freaking out. I was shaking and sweating cold and got scared thinking I could just pass out on my own and had nobody I could ask for help. I was still thinking straight enough to get some juice and drink it, and after 20-30 minutes things started getting better. But that first low hit me like a truck. I had been running high numbers for who knows how long, so my “low” symptoms were very extreme. Once again I remember feeling lost and helpless. It didn’t help that all my family was in another country, so when my husband was not there for me I did feel like I had nobody in the world (no offense to my doggies but they never had a clue). At that point I really had no idea of what I could expect or how bad these episodes could get. It felt as if I had a death sentence and thought I could no longer do all the things that made me enjoy life. Full or resentment and anger I believed that everything had just been taken away from me and I had no hopes for the future.