Everything that had to do with diabetes was odd for me and was a source of embarrassment. Nobody knew about it at work, and I felt like it was something I needed to keep hidden, like it was something to be ashamed of. I don’t know why I felt that way – maybe I was afraid that people would look at me differently.
I remember opening one of the drawers in my cubicle and putting my hand and a glucose meter in there to test, making sure my body would cover the scene in case anyone walked by my cubicle. Taking shots in public places was a huge deal for me. At first at work I would only bring food that didn’t require insulin: I had a salad for lunch, and then I had nuts or cheese for snacks, and that worked ok since I was covered by my basal insulin throughout the day – plus, the less shots the better for me. The problem was those few times that I did have to go eat out with coworkers. I declined most of the times, but there were a few occasions where I just had to go. I was nervous the whole time thinking of what I was going to eat and what I would do about the insulin. It ended up that I ate whatever and then had to go to the bathroom to shoot up and check my glucose. By the time I did that I was always way too high, but I felt like that was the cost of trying to remain “normal” in other people’s eyes.
Looking back I have no idea why I cared so much about what other people thought. I’m not sure if it is that after becoming a mother my outlook on life has changed so much, but now I could care less about what other people think and believe me, I feel so much better!